Day 1, of - The Bible: Walking With Jesus - Renew, Transform, and Reinvent Your Life in 40 Days

I woke up so, ANGRY(ok, not that angry, but, still, I guess, just, FRUSTRATED, at life?)
And the punchline of the day, is, "I've been struggling for so long now, that I'm preparing for DEATH."

At least I can feel 'FIRED-UP' today, even through all the PAIN.
I embraced GOD with all my heart and soul last night, which is relevant because I came across this Bible passage at 'Deuteronomy 30 - Restoration Promised' and it talked a lot about loving GOD with all your heart and soul, changing your ways, and all this agony the passed 17 years, I found out last night that GOD is the absolute best pain killer in existence. Yes, better than actually pain killers that ironically will lead your life down the road/path of. More. Pain. and your soul will WITHER!

When you get angry at your cat, not that I yelled at him or anything, you know you're messed up. My cay 'Hydro'(I didn't name him that!)does this every weather change, when it starts to get cold out it takes him a few weeks to learn that "you don't want to go out there, it is COLD!", and so he goes, it doesn't matter if the whole house is sleeping, he will wake your butt right up, and then my mom gets mad at me for letting him out, I am a light sleeper, he will meow like crazy till he gets his way, cats can be very stubborn(I love him with all my heart tho), and impulsive, and very inconsiderate, so if I let him wake my mom up instead, I know she would wake up frustrated and let him out anyway, but you see the dilemma and the irony here. And this morning when I let him in as soon as I'm stumbling to the tea pot for my morning caffeine(you don't want to see me zombiefied in the morning), and he's frantic, cause it was rainy out, and he's loud as hell, meow, jumping all over my moms bed for food, and this is, the reason I say this, is a clear indicator of the level of frustration in life when you can end up feeling so darn overwhelmed that you feel the walls closing in on you.
Now I got to go get ready before my mom starts rushing me for the day, because I have to go change the tire we have a donut on it, and I'm going to throw out my psych med seroquel, in the garbage, guess I'll make a video about all that?
And this is the magazine I will be following, and 'LIFE: MARY - BLESSED ART THOU AMONG WOMEN' magazine, posting a blog a day for the next 40 days.

I can't believe how excited I am about this, cause my life has been in utter turmoil for the passed 17 years, ever since the day I committed suicide, died in my moms arms, lost my soul, but came back to LIFE. Never underestimate the power of a mothers prayer!

Really happy to have a project that is really uplifting and positive to work on. This all started from opening my Bible after months of not opening it, and I still haven't read the whole Bible, and got the most potent passage/message I ever felt from; 'Deuteronomy 30: Restoration Promised'.
Now pardon me while I go cry my self through the day.

I'm really exhausted because I pushed my self really hard today, 
and realizing what a pitfall my anxiety/hyperhidrosis sweat disorder is,
the tension in life always builds,
and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to gain control and make it thru this life.
Going to hang with my mom and watch the second presidential debate; Hillary vs Trump, got some snacks, should be really fun to watch.

Ciao!