to my cat killed a dead squirrel.
I woke up, opened the door to get my cat because it is getting cold out,
to see him trying to kill some little animal terrified in the gutter,
to pull my cat by the tail(not hard, his tail STRONG),
while pulling him by the tail,
I see a HUGE dead squirrel,
probably a momma squirrel,
=Family(of squirrels)TORN. APART.
7 am in the morning waking up to this.
To see my cat have such blood-lust like that.
I know, blame it on instinct,
but he had death in his eyes,
he wanted to kill,
and it horrified me.
that now karma is coming,
because I been fearing my cats death,
and he almost dies a little over a year ago,
we had to take him to a vet,
but now after he brutally murdered that momma squirrel,
and who knows how bad he hurt the baby,
it is out of my hands,
death will be coming for him soon?
(it's really sad to feel that way, but when he killed them, and it seemed he felt so good about it, and then when he was inside sleeping like a baby, no guilt on his conscious, really messed my mind up. Do I have a sociopath cat?)
Cats are either really nice, or sneaky murderers?
Was looking for the number to call animal control,
couldn't find a number to know that WE DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY
so who is FREE?
so frustrated,
the more that I feel I want to be left alone,
the more suffocating this entire life becomes,
I can barely breathe.
I aimed my blow dryer at him(not in a bad way), just in a funny way of saying, "How do you like being messed with. Your life. Not fun is it?)
Now we can start day 3 of this 40 days and 40 nights. Spiritual Transformation(and I didn't curse or anything when this happened with my cat, I kept my cool, but my stress levels went through the roof, for someone that lives such an isolated life, to have life be so hectic, is unbearably overwhelming)
BREATHE!!!!!
(but I don't even have the strength to go on)
10:35AM
Be back later?
2:43PM
Back!
I don't even know how to relax.
Let's get focused back on GOD.
[I've been saying for a while that, 'Sacrifice: Is the ultimate form of Love'(ever since I watched Constantine the movie), and in this 3rd day page of(The Bible: Walking With Jesus - Renew, Transform, and Reinvent Your Life in 40 Days)this magazine, it says; -He was willing to pay that price for one reason: Love. "This is how we know what Love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters" (1 John 3:16).
That is really nice.
and; Before Jesus died on the cross, he laid down his life in hundreds, even thousands, of smaller ways: a verbal encouragement here; a healing touch there; a constructive reprimand; a social visit; a word of insight into GOD's nature; a loving gaze that said, "You may feel overlooked by society, but I see you. I know you. You have value. You matter.
Use the following questions to guide your reflection on Jesus' sacrificial love:
-When was the last time you were the recipient of an act of sacrificial love? What impact did it have on you?
Answer: Feeling devotional love for someone that I would do anything for them.(they might not know it tho)
-What are the biggest obstacles you face when it comes to demonstrating sacrificial love to others?
Answer: That they will take advantage and want more than you have to give, and hurt you.
-Who is someone who is difficult for you to love?
Answer: Too personal to answer on here.
-What specific actions can you take during this time to show sacrificial love to those in need?
Answer: Disciplining my self to give up my foolish nature that holds me back from succeeding, that I am close to succeeding and plan on taking care of a lot of people that I care about. I want to succeed and give my mom the life she never had. I am overcoming a lot of personal demons finally closing the book on them during this 40 days and 40 nights.]
But here is a beautiful painting by, Francisco De Zurbaran and basically says that many painters use their imagination to fill in some possible gaps. Breath-Taking!
cause I was just saying an hour ago about this book, -Wreck This Journal by Keri Smith-, shows me how an idea can come to life. Because many people, start something that they would not know what impact it is going to have in the future.
It reads/Mary belongs not to the priests but to the people.
Her disciples-her congregation, her soldiers-have adamantly refused to let Mary recede.
Why? What do they so vitally require from this most famous of mother figures?
How has she, once an unknown, grown to be such an immense personality?
Why are 2 billion Hail Mary's said daily?
Why have 6 million people, many non-Christian, visit Lourdes this year to drink and bathe in the healing waters? Why did 10 million trek to Guadalupe to pray to Our Lady?
with thee.
Blessed art though among women
And blessed is the fruit of thy womb,
Jesus...
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