Day 8, of - The Bible: Walking With Jesus - Renew, Transform, and Reinvent Your Life in 40 Days

FRUSTRATION: 8 days back, over the hump of brutal depression, regressing away from my old ways, killing off the residue of my former self, legislating over,,,,,,,.....
Ok, I'll stop, but it's TRUE.(in a freaky sort of way)
That I am killing off the old, negative, bad, harmful, destructive, wrong parts of my self.
But what is messed up about it, I guess, is that I am using psychiatric "anti-psychotic""scizophrenic" medication, -seroquel-(and a TON of caffeine(black tea(which in my defense(is healthy)(which let me pause for a moment to get a STRONG cup of black tea), which is helping me to numb down certain compulsive parts of my self, which I will talk about later, you're just going to have to read and experience all 40 blogs to find out, and the saying, {all the world is a stage} and {we are the authors of our own life story} is very inspiring, because I want to end these HORRORfying chapters on a good note, with some dignity, and close the book on these life stages of; addiction/and/mental illness, they have really went hand-in-hand, but thee ole'saying, "What came first, the chicken, or the egg?", rings true, but I just sense that I was always insane,
SO WHERE IS THE *SALVATION*?
(why GOD am I typing this in a Sherlock Holmes, English voice?)
()dissociation()

I really don't know what I'm talking about, I'm just trying to get thru the day.. Humpty-Dumpty here had a great FALL, and am picking up the pieces again.
I had 6 days doing good, messed up, now have 8 days doing good again, and if there is any urge or temptation to mess things up by trying to escape this reality, out of control compulsive behaviors, I will "seroquel myself" to sleep(sedate this part of my self till it is DEAD).

You see,
The Devil,
don't like that.

The Devil,
don't like you doing good,
and doing the right thing.

And now I ask my self,
"What would really tick the devil off?",
=living a pure life till the end,
definitely,
discipline is a must.
Strength.
Toughness.
ENDURANCE!

I know I am a mess,
but maybe not for much longer?

Ok, 
enough,
sober partying,
let's get down to business,
our life,
our soul.
How to SAVE our self?

I'm still figuring this all out,
but I have survived so much HORROR,
and somehow survived,
I'd say number one reason is my FAITH,
or I would have died LONG ago.

Just Say No! BAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAH

I don't know who this dude is but he is FUNNY

I'm too tired right now to read in the Jesus and Mother Mary magazines, I am soo burned out from life, but I will try to catch up on day 7 and 8. Here goes!

Page 20 and 21, day 7 of; -The Bible: Walking With Jesus - Renew, Transform, and Reinvent Your Life in 40 Days-; Jesus' Service: On the night Jesus was betrayed, he stunned his disciples(discipline)by filling a basin with water, draping himself with a towel, and kneeling before them to wash their feet.

My Response: I get this completely, that some people feel they are better or have more worth than other people or beings, but on the big scheme of things(Universal), we are very equal.
"no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him"(John 13:12-17)

I'm very tired, I am going to pick up more tomorrow.
The truth is, now 4 PM, I have been away from my therapy community 3 weeks now, going back tomorrow, nervous, I have to take my psych medication now, which I am planning on being free of all this stuff in two months by the new year, 2017.
Good-bye.

soo exhausted