Day 5, of - The Bible: Walking With Jesus - Renew, Transform, and Reinvent Your Life in 40 Days

Today I am really struggling.
I do not know where I go wrong?
But I am severely depressed.
And I know that a post like this is really messed up,
but it is raw how I feel,
I feel so hopeless right now,
and fighting for faith,
and for GOD,
but don't know how much more fight I got left?

A woman came over my house from disability, and just talking with her for about 20 minutes made me feel so lonely. Not knowing what it's like to be loved. I have never been loved by a woman, I am so SHATTERED. This interaction left me feeling so broken.
That's the most positive way to put it, I am passed the point of no return, I am too damaged to ever be fixed, and love at this point would probably just destroy me, so I feel destined to walk a lonely life to a tragic death, so it seems.

Besides this I am just going to grin and bare it thru the day,
3rd day off seroquel,
but I feel more ALIVE.

It's hard to accept and adjust to being ALONE

Ok, let's try to get focused back on Faith, we are going to make it thru this 40 day change and come out of this so STRONG giving up the things in life that hold our soul back.
Day 5 - of - Walking With Jesus
[page 16 and 17]
- Jesus' Compassion: 1. Jesus noticed. Many in Jesus' day (as in ours) were oblivious to the suffering of others. "As he went along he saw a man blind from birth" (John 9:1). Jesus refused to ignore the blind man, He didn't stare straight past or increase his pace to avoid an awkward encounter. He looked directly at the man and took note of his condition. He made a *CONNECTION*.(that makes me so sad, realizing how tainted and wounded I am, I can not make any connection at all)
2. Jesus Empathized. "Jesus wept" (John 11:35). When Jesus saw the mourners who had gathered--anguished and devastated by the loss of their loved one--he wept with them. He put himself in their place, felt the pain they were experiencing, and reacted with empathy toward them. He didn't just observe their grief; he joined them in it.
Use the following questions to guide your reflection on Jesus compassion:
-What keeps you from noticing people in need as Jesus did?
Answer: sad to say, I'm so mentally ill and destroyed I can barely get out of bed, and even tougher to make it thru the day. I feel barely alive most of the time. But I am not giving up hope in making a difference.
-What are the most effective ways to show empathy?
Answer: I feel a person knowing that you feel and understand what they are going thru and that you care.
-What specific steps can you take to intervene in the life of someone who is hurting?
Answer: Planning on actually getting a job to take better care of my mother. I feel almost stable. Almost ready.
No Mother Mary magazine today. 
I am feeling so tired,
so exhausted from life that I feel I can't go any further today,
I can not continue.
Sorry.
Tomorrow :(

STRUGGLE!