Day 6, of - The Bible: Walking With Jesus - Renew, Transform, and Reinvent Your Life in 40 Days

I'm in a bizarre place,
as always.
I don't really know what I feel,
I was under the weather,
but now over.

I'm really only 6 days sober and celibate, I abused a psych medication about 8 days ago, the psych medication Wellbutrin(Bupropion), I'm pretty sure I threw the rest of my prescriptions in the garbage, it was just a really pathetic attempt to escape the overbearing / overwhelming pain of life, it just made me manic out of my mind. The anxiety, the confusion, the hopelessness, the despair, the LONELINESS/LOVELESSNESS, the hypochondria and nervousness, the financial suffering, the feeling so trapped with no hope of things getting better, the nervous sweatyness of hyperhidrosis disorder, the battle between caffeine and seroquel, which I am on day 4 off seroquel, and I am down to 2 cups of tea(8 tea bags)a day, so I feel I am balancing out and finally ready to live a completely, sober/abstinent/celibate life. But I am closing in on 3 months away from dextromethorphan abuse, I will take what is good going on in life and run with it to the best of my ability. :)
(it did make me feel suicidal?)

You don't get anymore truer than that.
Welcome To BLUR CONFESSIONS
Hopefully all this stuff is over
Just live till the end
Spiritual/Pure Life?
Striving to be med free,
because I see it destroy people,
and leave them an empty shell,
I can't do it.

And this blog is not going to end good,
because I feel so hopeless,
I feel I am just waiting to die,
and that I will never have *REDEMPTION*.

I just feel really messed up in the mind today.
I just hope I can get thru all this,
and overcome my demons;

We will get to the magazine readings now.
(taken from magazine - The Bible: Walking With Jesus)
Day 6 - page 18 - Jesus' Boldness: 

This pages talks about how Jesus stood up to various corrupt people of power. It really is all scary, and it feels so tiring thinking about having so many enemies in your short life, so more I hear about what Jesus went through in such a short time. Only certain types of people can face that evil type of arch nemesis's out to harm you 24/7. Hell on Earth!

Use the following questions to guide your reflection on Jesus' boldness:
-What are some possible repercussions of "speaking truth to power" today?
Answer: You will be hated, threatened, and possibly killed. It is not an easy task.
-How do you determine when something needs to be said?
Answer: I really can't. I do not think so clear right now, I am battling to overcome mental illness, and am closer than ever to rehabilitation, but social media makes everything confusing too.
-How can you effectively speak truth to power in a way that makes a difference?
Answer: Definitely to be positive about it. Not to lash out in anger in any way.

Following Jesus
Suggested Prayer
GOD, it's sometimes easier to remain quiet rather than speak up against injustice and oppression. I want to follow Jesus' example of boldly speaking the truth. Please give me your strength. Amen.

Meditation / ZECHARIAH 8:16-17
"These are the things you are to do; speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts; do not plot evil against each other, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this," declares the Lord.

Truth Be Told.
I actually feel better after reading and writing this.
I feel cleaner, but still going to post horror photos tho.
(BLOOD OF CHRIST)

I'm not homicidal or anything,
I'm just quitting caffeine right now,
and on edge,
watching a lot of HORROR films lately been helping my depression,
I am trying to face my hyperhidrosis profuse sweating disorder that I've been dealing with for 30 years now,
and I am just really on edge,
feeling so trapped in life,
with no way out,
but,
DEATH,
and so my mind is consumed by trying to deal with and accept this.
It's TOUGH! 
(maybe tomorrow will be a more positive day?)

Now I am also on page 18 of(LIFE: MARY - BLESSED ART THOU AMONG WOMEN):

(painting above)THE VISITATION - 16th Century - Marx Reichlich - is an episode, as recorded by Luke, in which Mary, having left Nazareth and traveling "into the hill country ...into a city of Judah," visits her relative Elizabeth, who is also pregnant, she with John the Baptist. King Herod sends three elites to investigate the birth that is creating a stir.

A MAGICAL READING: In medieval times a metaphysical concept attached itself to Mary, that of the Immaculate Conception--often confused with the virgin birth of Jesus--which held that she was free of original sin from her first moment in the womb of her mother, rendering her saintly even before birth.
Mary is said to have confirmed the doctrine in a 14th-century visitation to Saint Bridget of Sweden.  
This added to the growing number of Marys: human; docile and handmaidenly; smart and strong; saintly and capable of supernatural appearances. 
"She even becomes a military figure,"
"She is a warrior against the devil. In Constantinople they went to war with the Virgin on the sails of their warships. Onward, Christian soldiers!"

   Mary, Mother of grace, Mother of 
mercy.
   Shield me from the enemy, and receive
me at the hour of my death...

Facing Death is one of the hardest things to do.
To accept our mortality.

The Focus Of This Blog Is A Form Of Therapy Right Now For Me, It Is Not About Trying To Write Anything That I Think Someone Reading Would Want To Hear, This Is About Making The Final Changes That I Have To Make As A Human Being To My Soul Before I Die, Living As My Reborn Eternal Spirit Being Self=BLUR

I know I am a good person - GOD LOVES ME - I do not hurt anybody, but I am very broken, and that is very insane, and just trying to make it thru this life as best I can, and every day is a struggle.

THANX