Where To Begin?

Victory For Everyone That Hates me.

Warning: When you are outgoing, and outspoken, you will be hated, but to stay silent is WORSE.

The PAIN?

What to do about this PAIN?
What to do about feeling that I am dying?
That I don't have a chance at life,
that I'll never get my life back,
since age 17,
I lost my life?
35 Now!

So here we go.
I need to get; Celibate and Sober(1st), and when I say "celibate", I do not mean sex in my case, I mean masturbation, because I refuse to have any physical contact unless it's love, but my confession is that once a month for the passed four years, I would buy cough suppressant(dextromethorphan), and herbal supplements and masturbate, watch pornography, and this is not advised, because these chemicals really just go straight to your brain, and you almost die, almost every time, so, yes, I am completely 100% INSANE, and mentally ill. What a way to begin a blog=WELCOME.

And to go along with this, is to give up; caffeine and seroquel(psych meds), because I am so depressed and heart broken for falling in love(with who? the world may never know?), cause now I'm taking seroquel to numb my feelings/emotions.

"I don't want to be around people ever again!"
The sad truth, is, 'even in a mental illness therapy community I couldn't even be accepted.'

Right now I am sitting in the dark, with this song; "Coming Right Along - The Posies", in my head, watching depressing horror films, because I'm so madly depressed, and feel like I'm preparing for death, that there is absolutely no HOPE?

And the deal is, this; every day after midnight, I will mark down another day sober(abstinent), but I can't completely say I'm sober till I'm off caffeine and psych meds, but for now I'll consider just being substance/drug free, and celibate, lust, porn free. =Thanks

Welp, I guess that is it.
I am fighting to take as little caffeine and seroquel as possible right now,
as me and my mom cook a turkey that we got from the church(thank GOD), that was frozen, and my mom wasn't going to let me cook it, but my mom is an angel, she cares so much, and she let me use my thawing method of putting it in a pot in hot water to thaw, because we are completely broke without money for food or water, GOD really blessed us here, because the church gave us a gallon of spring water, I drink so much water, I have hyperhidrosis sweat disorder, and???????

THAT'S ALL FOLKS!!!!!!!!!!!